On Feeling Stuck

Why does one feel stuck? I thought i felt stuck in Mumbai. But I guess I'm still as stuck in New York. You might think your job is making you feel stuck or that you chose your partner wrongly but that may not be it.
  You might be emotionally stuck and the only way to get unstuck is to investigate those emotions, those thoughts, your reactions over and over and over again. Doing good, making others happy is another way to feel unstuck.
  Feeling stuck is also a mood. And like any other mood, it can be changed, altered, manipulated.
  But I believe there is a level you reach where you can never feel stuck, where you can never feel controlled no matter how controlling your surroundings are or no matter what situation you get yourself into.
  Investigating thought, emotions and reactions must be the way out then.

But wait a second..

How am I going to live today if I'm so busy contemplating tomorrow?

My desires make me feel alive

I desire to eat cereal, to watch a monk give a lecture on YouTube, to sometimes do my homework, to go for coffee with a guy I met online, to travel, to read, to socialize with people, to take a class in journalism, to write this post.

  Maybe today is the day I will finally start valuing my desires and start following in the direction they lead me, maybe from today I will stop worrying about earning my livelihood from them. 

  OK, so the latter is definitely going to take more work. But today's meditation made me realize that we don't always have to look at the bigger picture. For days now I have been asking 'What is my purpose?' And I realized that my purpose is to eat cereal and to gain more wisdom, and to give, forever be in the spirit of giving, for giving is nothing but receiving tenfold.

Where are my answers

I am just listening to Deepak Chopra interview a spiritual teacher Howard Falco about how he attained his bliss. Howard Falco says that he was so surprised that when he asked a question with such intensity the universe delivered.
  And so now I am asking the universe this question: What is my purpose? What am I meant to do? Does my purpose align with my happiness?
  Over the ears I've sometimes felt that I've had a hearing impairment but that was physically. I hope I don't have a hearing impairment when it comes to listening to the voice of the universe.
  What is my purpose?

My Life, My Mirror

As I lay in bed, dreading my future as I'm guessing we all do sometimes when we're feeling especially morbid, I felt this deep urgency to open this blog and vent. But as I fired up my laptop, Byron Katie's Loving What Is popped up right in front of my eyes, reminding me that now I had a way of working through these thoughts that caused me so much fear and stress and insecurity.
  My point is that I thought venting will make it better and maybe it would have but the Universe knows exactly what I need in which moment. I'm going to walk through those four questions here for my sake and for yours, my imaginary readers.

Thought: I will be miserable if I move back home.

Question 1) Is it true? This is probably the heaviest of the four questions. If you get this question correct then half your work will be done.
Is it true that I will be miserable if I move back home? No. I was actually very happy when I was there before I got here.

Question 2) Do you have a way of absolutely knowing that its true? This question is for those who got yes on the first question.
No is my answer. There' no way I can predict the future.

Question 3) What does the thought do to me? It makes me frown, it makes me negative towards my mother, it makes me look at the house and think of it as dreadful, it makes me think I won't have a career, it makes me think my parents will marry me off, it makes me miserable, it makes me cling to the life here, it makes me want to work harder to get a life here, it makes me dread the guy that I will supposedly be pressured into marrying, it makes me feel afraid that I will be a pushover and heed my parents' demands, it makes me worry that I will never follow my passion, it makes me worry that my husband will never understand me, it makes me feel suffocated to feel like I'd have to be married off into a typical Indian family.

Question 4) Who would i be without the thought? Woahhhh. After all this fear, I think I'd be the happiest person on earth, I'll feel free, excited, focused,

Turn arounds
I will be miserable here.
I will be happy if I move home.
I will be happy here

A friend of mine said once, "Waking up is the worst part of existence," and I agree with that statement whole-heartedly. And then I heard someone say, "You cannot think your way out of bed," and that statement resonated with me on an even deeper level.
  That's probably the mistake we all make. We're first in denial, denial about the earliness of the hour, our mind already complaining how little sleep we've had, our body acts as if it is soaked in lethargy. But then the alarm rings a third time and usually this is the time I take to go over the day's activities  bargaining with myself if I have just a teeny bit to squeeze in a "last" 10-minute nap. Sometimes I give in and sleep for another two hours that way. But then there are days like these, when I act my way out.
  What if we skipped this whole process and went straight to jumping out of bed. Wouldn't that be amazing? Its easier said than done, for sure.
  But then what isn't?

Projecting Emotions

I wish I could say I was a firm believer of the Law of Attraction or the Law of Manifestation. However, my beliefs have been tested and are still being tested time and again. Over the years they have become stronger.
  I believe this thought in my head: that I'm not smart enough for this. I don't know know enough for what I am doing but what I realized is that if I can, from  my present state of mind imagine a scenario in which I am happy and peaceful with my level of intellect, the feeling is bound to manifest. It has in the past and there's no reason why it won't now.
  That's going to be my new goal for the week. Everytime I feel like I'm fumbling through something, I'm going to take a pause, take a deep breath and imagine a scenario where I am confident in my abilities and it will manifest.