Monday, 27 October 2014

My Life, My Mirror

As I lay in bed, dreading my future as I'm guessing we all do sometimes when we're feeling especially morbid, I felt this deep urgency to open this blog and vent. But as I fired up my laptop, Byron Katie's Loving What Is popped up right in front of my eyes, reminding me that now I had a way of working through these thoughts that caused me so much fear and stress and insecurity.
  My point is that I thought venting will make it better and maybe it would have but the Universe knows exactly what I need in which moment. I'm going to walk through those four questions here for my sake and for yours, my imaginary readers.

Thought: I will be miserable if I move back home.

Question 1) Is it true? This is probably the heaviest of the four questions. If you get this question correct then half your work will be done.
Is it true that I will be miserable if I move back home? No. I was actually very happy when I was there before I got here.

Question 2) Do you have a way of absolutely knowing that its true? This question is for those who got yes on the first question.
No is my answer. There' no way I can predict the future.

Question 3) What does the thought do to me? It makes me frown, it makes me negative towards my mother, it makes me look at the house and think of it as dreadful, it makes me think I won't have a career, it makes me think my parents will marry me off, it makes me miserable, it makes me cling to the life here, it makes me want to work harder to get a life here, it makes me dread the guy that I will supposedly be pressured into marrying, it makes me feel afraid that I will be a pushover and heed my parents' demands, it makes me worry that I will never follow my passion, it makes me worry that my husband will never understand me, it makes me feel suffocated to feel like I'd have to be married off into a typical Indian family.

Question 4) Who would i be without the thought? Woahhhh. After all this fear, I think I'd be the happiest person on earth, I'll feel free, excited, focused,

Turn arounds
I will be miserable here.
I will be happy if I move home.
I will be happy here

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