Sunday, 27 May 2012

She Is A Lesbian

She is a lesbian. A lesbian. Lez-bee-uhn, she pronounced slowly in her head, didn’t like the ring of it and didn’t like the fact that she was one. Was she one? She had always wondered why she was never attracted to boys, why she never craved male attention like the rest of her friends did. They would cry about their break-ups to her and she would always listen and behave sympathetic but she never really felt any sympathy. Of course she tried dating. Even though she didn’t crave male attention she got a reasonable amount of it but the relationships never lasted more than a few weeks. The reason obvious: she never felt any physical attraction and so she broke up with them, thinking that the chemistry just wasn’t right with that particular one. Being a middle-class Indian girl, the concept of homosexuality hadn’t crossed her mind. She wasn’t a homophobic but she did think that some of them did it for the attention. But there were genuine ones in there and she knew that. Was hers genuine or was she imagining things out of sheer desperacy for company now that all her friends had settled and her parents were pushing her towards marriage? No, she thought. She had felt the pull towards Radhika when she kissed her. She had felt the…the chemistry. It was right. Her lips, her hands, her body was…just right. Well, obviously telling her parents straight away was out of the question. Her mother would consult an astrologer and her father would have an aneurism. Any friend she could consult to? No, they behaved like educated smart career women but they were more orthodox than her great-grandmother. What was she going to do about Radhika’s kiss? Was she to just go to office tomorrow and behave like nothing happened? She was her boss, after all. That posed another problem: she was her boss, dammit. She couldn’t possibly outright reject her. Did she want to reject her? Maybe she should just play it by ear. Maybe Radhika will make the first move. The possibility of that was less. She already made the first move by kissing her and leaving her in the deserted office, stunned out of her mind. No, she will have to do something tomorrow. The question was: was she going to make the move or was she going to go straight home and get married to the first man her parents found for her?

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